(Aged) Colt 45 High Gravity Lager

Colt 45 High Gravity Lager can and glass.

Colt 45 High Gravity Lager can and glass.

Let’s start the review by saying the aging of this Colt 45 High Gravity wasn’t really on purpose. A friend bought this for a review at least a couple years ago and for various unknown reasons, it has languished in the fridge since then. Unfortunately, I didn’t think to put a purchased date on the can, so we’ll have to roll with the DEC2710 on the bottom of the can. No fucking clue if that is when it was made or it was some bizarro best by date, as if people drinking this really give a shit about that. Anyway, on with the review and here’s hoping it doesn’t end with me vomiting.

Taste: D Even before taking a sip, I’m noticing how surprisingly carbonated this has remained. I actually had to wait for it to settle in the glass. I know, I know, why the hell do you need a glass? I figure I’ll drink from both the can and glass and see if there is really any difference. The nose on this is actually pretty reminiscent of your crappy American adjunct lager. As far as taste, it is anything but standard. The first couple sips I took from the glass, and it is hard to describe outside of saying it is just shit. The first taste isn’t the worst thing in the world, but then something kicks in and pretty much forces a cringing reaction. I’m not sure if it has just gone skunk or that is its original flavor. I wish I had better words to describe this POS drink, but I’m at a loss, maybe due to it being so long since I reviewed a malt. Two final tasting notes: it does get some metallic flavor straight from the can and it gets a little better on subsequent sips, but that could be because my taste buds have died an agonizing death. Only time will tell.

Packaging: C+ The good folks over at G. Heilman actually did a decent job on the can. It is a fairly attractive black can with the traditional Colt 45 horse and horseshoe. It has some chromey and angled lettering, so I guess that is cool. Nothing great here, but nothing terrible. I do like how they encourage you to recycle the can.

Value: B Like some other drinks we review, I didn’t purchase this one. I’m guessing it wasn’t more than a few bucks, so it does have reasonable value. The fact that you get the vomit-inducing 24-ounce tall boy, as well as 8.5%, means things aren’t all bad in the land of Colt 45 HG.

Drunkenness: B- You would think this baby would get slightly higher in the drunkenness category, given it is 8.5%, but I just couldn’t do it. There is one major caveat and that is it would be kinda hard to drink this bitch fast enough to enjoy that higher ABV. I guess that is the paradox with a lot of these malts, gotta drink ‘em fast or that terrible taste catches up to you in a big way.

Overall: D Overall, Colt 45 High Gravity Lager certainly isn’t the worst thing I’ve had, but it isn’t really what I’d call drinkable either. For me to go higher, I’d have to see myself making this purchase when looking for a cheap buzz and that sure as shit isn’t happening. This certainly wasn’t an F malt, but not a lot of redeeming quality, either. Really, the only reason to do it is to try and show off with the Colt 45 name, but that will only get you so far. So, do yourself a favor and opt for something reasonable like Magnum or King Cobra. If you really must get something Colt 45 branded, stick with the original formula.

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